For a large part of my life I have wanted a dog. In the past year or so seemingly everyone but me has gotten a dog, and I have petted and played with them, but never had one to call my own. On Saturday I got one. As my Christmas present, Kat got me a puppy and brought her down to me. For the first time in 21 years I was a dog owner. I had a puppy to play with and cuddle and love and take ridiculous amounts of digital pictures of and coo over and have everyone be jealous of and she was all mine.
At this point you must all be ridiculously jealous of me and are thinking, Oh how lucky! I want a puppy too... The thing is though, I can't keep her. In the beginning it was admittedly hard. Really hard. I've been cat lady all my life. It was quite a new experience to be puppy girl. There was stress and much crying, but it was definitely a learning experience. As things started to get easier with the biting and the 'accidents' I realized more that even once I worked out all those puppy kinks, there were still some things I couldn't get around, try as I might. For one, we're not allowd to have dogs here and there's just no way I could hide her for six months. And even if I managed to do that, it really wouldn't be a great life for her. After seeing her play with other dogs and run around and go outside I just couldn't bare to bring her back to my little apartment and keep her couped up in my not so huge room, which will only get less and less huge as she gets bigger. So I have to giver her up. Now the crying isn't so much because of the stress.
I haven't really been with her since yesterday morning and I miss her already. I admit that it's nice to come home and not have to worry about when and where she might go. But last night when I came home in the middle of the night I was sad that she wasn't here. And tonight, when I was alone in my apartment, half moping, half watching tv, one-hundredth doing homework, I really wanted her here. I know I've only had her for about a week but I've become pretty attatched. I miss her little puppy face and big paws. I miss her putting those big front paws on my bed when she wants to get on it but can't quite manage the jump yet; and her following me in and out of the room and then eventually plopping down under my chair to go to sleep. And I miss the way her big puppy ears flop around when she's doing laps around my room. The thing about having her around is that it's hard for me to get things done when she's awake, and when she's asleep all I want to do is sleep too. But when she's sleeping I still can't really sleep. If she's sleeping with me I worry that I'm gonna smack her with my hand or that she'll fall off the bed (which she did twice actually, but just went back to sleep once she hit the floor) or that when she moves even the slightest bit she wants to get up and get off the bed. [It really is like having a baby.] But not having her here has just made me miss her. She was supposed to be my little friend. She was supposed to come put her head on my leg when I'm crying and keep me company when I'm alone. She was supposed to be that unconditional friend when all else fails (or just leaves). But like I said, I have to give her up.
I'm sure at least a few of you (if there are even that many of you reading this) are thinking that I'm being way overly dramatic about all this, that it's just a dog and I've only had her for a week. And maybe that's true. Maybe six months or a year for now I'll look back and think, Yeah I had a dog for a week, no big deal... But right now it's a big deal. Right now it's the only deal. So I'm going to be dramatic. And I'm gonna say things like, At least I got to have her for the week, and, It was a great learning experience, and, I'm really attatched and really care about her. It's all true. She's my pup-pup, even if only for the week.